the wherefrom guide to finding the most scoffable (& sustainable) chocolate advent calendar
hi? is that childline? we’d like to report your mum for not buying you an advent calendar this year.
so what if you’re not a kid anymore? everyone (regardless of how naughty or nice they’ve been) deserves an advent calendar. waking up on december 1st without a tiny square of choccy for breakfast? that is a sue-able offence. we don’t make the rules.
sorry big kids, it looks like you’re gonna have to buy your own advent calendars this year. don’t pull a temper tantrum tho, bcos we’ve created the ultimate choccy advent calendar guide to make your decision as easy as poss. you’re welcome.
just make sure that you pick a sustainable option, bcos nobody’s gonna get any christmas presents this year if the north pole gets f*cked by climate change. don’t do it for us, do it for santa.
if you think the best part of crimbo is the big metal tins of quality street then you might just like this category. there’s no shame in a sweet tooth, but there is a huge amount of shame in buying unsustainable choccy. don’t worry, we’re here to help save your reputation. you’re welcome.
tbh the basic autumn bitch loves all hot seasonal drinks. as long as they’re a) served in a pumpkin-shaped mug, or b) topped with an obscene amount of whipped cream. we don’t make the rules.
everybody knows that the first step to becoming a basic autumn bitch is an unhealthy obsession with pumpkin spice lattes. If you’re not down to PSL, you can’t be part of the club, soz.
now that your thick luscious moustache has finally reached its full potential, the compliments are reeling in, you feel proud of the upper lip friend you have created until you realise the end of november is nearing. you enter an existential crisis to decide whether to keep your fuzzy pal and turn it into your entire personality or to part ways and say your final goodbye. eventually, against your better judgement, you decide to brave the shave and do so sustainably.